Written by Scott Nairns
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Sunday, 20 April 2008

image for Kebab Wars On Britain's Streets
Police Say Bradford Was Like A Scene From Wacky Races

Ruthless Kebab Shop owner Stavros Hovapopathapoulis recruited delivery drivers from Rally and Racing tracks to get the edge over all the other shops on his patch.

Customers in Bradford were amazed at the 'rapid' delivery times, and flocked for the scrumptious Munchy boxes which are delivered piping hot in minutes, straight to the door.

The greedy fat tubby chef said in broken English, "It was cunning plan, and work well for me and drivers. We make much money, until other shops start using race car drivers too. The helmets give game away. It was only matter of time before chilli sauce being spilled on the streets of this great City."

Red faced Police chiefs were amazingly accused of encouraging the streets to be used like a racetrack by regularly ordering up to 20 deliveries a night from Stavros's 'Spicy Ring' eatery.

"It did mean we didn't have to send out traffic cops the night we started to crack down on this, we just phoned them up and they were here in minutes. It was an easy shift. Stavros was pretty pissed off though as he ended the night with his granny doing the deliveries in her Nissan", laughed a cheeky pompous Police Officer.

A report will be sent to the Procurator Fiscal's office, along with a munchy box.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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