The reason for PM Gordon Brown's emergency meeting with President Bush earlier this week has leaked from the top secret Bin Laden Desk at the CIA.
Information that Osama Bin Laden is a "Special Needs" child with a mental age of five has demanded a radical rethink of "The War on Terror".
The MOD has withdrawn elite special forces units said to be hunting Bin Laden in the tribal area of Pakistan back to their base near Hereford UK for "sensitivity training".
General "Spanker" Bagshot explained PM Brown's change of orders from TTB (Top the bastard) to TLC as "a relief".
"Spanker" is quoted as saying "My lads wouldn't be able to sleep at night thinking they had taken out a mass murder with the mental age of five".