Written by Cruella Divine
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Thursday, 17 April 2008

image for Dan Radcliffe Replaces Harry Houdini as the Greatest Jewish Magician
Daniel Radcliffe out for a stroll in the country

Dan Radcliffe has shown the world that he is the world's greatest Jewish magician, greater than Harry Houdini. "My Harry has surpassed Harry", he says.

It has been reported that his two companies, Gilmore Jacobs(owned by his parents…let's see where this goes…) and Almada have made 26 million dollars plus 4 million in receivables in one year.

Dan says "Since I am Jewish I really know how to turn a profit. I make money for no apparent reason. And where the true magic comes in is why they pay me so much for my crap acting."

"I have made money from real estate, brooms and geldings. We secretly bought out every broom maker on the planet so every time someone sweeps a bit of trash I am there so to speak", he laughs. "I was inspired by my other magical colleague Mary Poppins, I have the hots for her".

"We are also looking at some larger acquisitions such as buying Scotland. I inherited my business acumen from my mother who is Jewish and my love for drink from my father who is Irish. Rather than pay for whiskey we will drink from the profits."

I asked why invest in geldings? Dan says "Oh because I can't get them pregnant".

Life is indeed good for the boy wizard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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