Written by Cruella Divine
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Thursday, 17 April 2008

image for Daniel Radcliffe and Naomi Campbell: Team BA or BS?
A Real Winner: BA 1,000,000 bag lost and 2008 Daniel Radcliffe Look Alike Contest Winner

As you already know Daniel Radcliffe was been named celebrity spokesperson for British Airways (BA) immediately after the Terminal 5 meltdown. Willy Wonka (BA CEO) has announced a new publicity alliance today.

"Daniel will continue to conjure up stuff for our eBA website and Naomi will be the voice of the loyal but incredibly stupid customers."

Naomi Campbell has been a loyal BA customer for 30 years and even in the face of the Terminal 5 debauchery booked a flight and had her bags lost. How stupid!

Naomi says "Being that loyal is mind boggling stupid and when I asked angrily (as I always do about everything) where are my f**king bags, I was arrested. Willy Wonka has appointed me to this position to make amends and assured me that Daniel has already sold my stuff. What an honor."

"I will congratulate every passenger that books a flight from here on and enroll them in the KMATT (Karen Matthews Think Tank) loyalty program and assure them that their flights will be delayed, possessions lost and children temporarily kidnapped 100% of the time. The customer satisfaction levels for this program will be through the roof. BA knows how to deliver this kind of BS."

I asked Daniel, what he thought of the new alliance. "I think it's brilliant! I would never be stupid enough to book a flight or check my Nimbus 2000 with BA but there are loads of idiots out there so business is cracking for my eBA site. Naomi has even offered to swear at them as they check in. It will be an amazing experience."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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