Whitehall - (Nepotism Mess): The Ministry of Defence has been accused of taking the piss after a UK tabloid undercover reporter found evidence that both William and Harry have failed routine drug tests.
News of the Screws' writer Dave Lurid has complained he has had a D-Notice slapped on him that says it is against the 'national interest' for the story to be published.
However the MoD's hysterical knee-jerk reaction may not apply to covert video footage taken by Lurid which the intrepid reporter is planning to post on the internet.
This shows squaddies in Harry's mess discussing openly how the young tearaway managed to get away with it:
"Wicked, Wales! Looks like you tested positive for weed - that's Northern Lights, Skunk and Purple Haze! - for cocaine, crack cocaine, crystal meth, a bit of freebase, speed, ecstasy, smack and that dodgy ketamine you did at the Reading Festival last summer...Cool!"
Meanwhile another bit of video footage records a conversation at Highgrove where William boasts to Charles and Camilla that it "only cost him two grand" to have a urine test sample destroyed and gagged forever:
"Nobody's ever won their wings in thirteen weeks flat without a little help from Charlie!" William is head saying.
"Luckily my flight instructor is a good mate and knows where to score some wicked stuff!"
Pete Doherty is in Wormwood Scrubs.