Buckingham Palace - (Sordid Ass Mess): It's over. A top Palace source has confirmed today that Charles and Camilla are to divorce after a standard prenup based on promoting the Prince's heterosexuality ran aground and finally hit the rocks during the couple's recent Caribbean cruise.
According to terms drawn up in 2006 by Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon Camilla is entitled to her own weight in bling received on state visits from the Saudis.
"That's around £20 million-worth of lurid, tacky Wahabbist trinkets designed originally for Prince Bandar's favorite transvestite hookers," a Whitehall source explained today.
Charles will continue to pay Camilla's domestic expenses on her Wiltshire home Ray Mill House and an annual allowance "dependent on her keeping he silly gob shut about what's buried under the organic vegetable plot at Highgrove."
The puppet monarchy-styled duchess will automatically lose her HRH status and will be known as Camilla, Duchess Apparent until her 65th birthday, whereafter she will revert to her previous legal name of Barker-Proles.
A statement is expected in the House of Commons later this week.