Written by Brendon Humperdink
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Topics: Terrorism

Friday, 11 April 2008

The Middle East swept the board at last nights Terrorist Awards, scooping the majority categories. The ceremony, held at Earls Court, was a lavish affair, with many A-list guests including Tony Blair, George W. Bush and Abu Hamza, to name but a few. Jonathon Ross presented the ceremony.

But this was Islam's night. The big awards went to Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda, seen as the 'Ant and Dec' of terrorist awards. Unfortunately, Bin Laden couldn't be at the show, but picked up 'Best Leading Terrorist Award' for the sixth year running. As always, Bin Laden sent his usual 'thanks' through video link.

"You can be sure that us bastards will keep terrorising the planet till Allah comes home", to the sounds of rapturous applause.

Abu Hamza won 'Best Comedy Act' for his one hand man act, in which he demonstrated to the audience that he too could 'pop one off' with his hook.

More closer to home, Gerry Adams picked up 'Lifetime Achievement Award' for services to terrorism. His good mate, Martin McGuiness, presented the award to him as he got a standing ovation from the audience.

However, the big and final award for the night was 'Best Religion For Terrorism', went to Islam, for its 'unrivalled success in the genre of terrorism'.

List of winners:

Best Leading Terrorist: Osama Bin Laden
Best Comedy Act: Abu Hamza
Lifetime Achievement Award: Gerry Adams
Terrorist Moment Of The Year: Baghdad Bombing (again)
The Saddam Hussein Special Recognition Award: Chemical Ali
Best Religion For Terrorism: Extreme Islam

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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