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Friday, 11 April 2008

image for Karen Matthews Agrees to Be Sterilised
Ye Gods! Which way up is she?

Karen Matthews, mother of missing Shannon Matthews, has agreed to be sterilised whilst on remand in Yorkshire. It is believed that Miss Matthews has given birth to at least 14 children in her lifetime, five of which are currently in the care of social services. It has not been revealed where the other children are.

Police sources today stated that Miss Matthews had planned to "build up her family again" if she loses custody of her current five children. It was also thought that Miss Matthews may have children hidden in various locations over the U.K with the same purpose in mind.

Miss Matthews has refused to reveal the location of several of her children, all thought to have been fathered by different men. She is thought to be giving birth in "batches" designed to maximise her child benefits, housing benefits and tax refunds.

Craig Meehan, Karen Matthews current partner, has not been offered a vasectomy as he has revealed that he set fire to his own genitals and doused them in acid after waking up next to Miss Matthews on their first date.

It is believed that he will probably be castrated by his neighbours shortly, anyway.

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