Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 11 April 2008

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Diabolical liberty? "Some seedy, pseudo-paramilitary organization is out to gag our DNA results..."

London - (Lurid Ass Mess): Perish the thought...But a UK weekend tabloid is fighting a High Court attempt to gag results of a nine month probe claiming headline-grabbers JK Rowling, Heather Mills and Kate McCann 'all have the same biological father.'

The News of the Screws is battling against an injunction brought by anonymous benefactors thought to be behind the Fathers Fought Injustice lawsuit.

"For nigh on a year we've trawled the depths," editor Dave O'Lurid said today, "upholding bottom-of-the-barrel industry standards and traditional muckracking techniques that set the benchmark for investigative journalism.

"And what happens?

"Some seedy, pseudo-paramilitary organization is out to gag our DNA results, that's what.

"Diabolical liberty, that's what it is."

PR sources close to the paper allege a mix-up at a 1960s sperm bank inadvertantly impregnated 'working pals of Christine Keeler' at one hundred quid a pop.

"We can't name the sleazebag until the courts OK it," O'Lurid added, "but he's in enough trouble as it is at the moment."

The US papal visit starts on Tuesday.

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