Dewsbury, West Yorks - (Appalling Mess): "Is it because I'm fat, dumb and can't simper in front of the Pope like a rich, educated blonde?"
That was the desperate message smuggled out of Dewsbury Women's Jail where Shannon Matthews' mother Karen is on remand for child negligence and perverting the course of justice in her daughter's disappearance.
Matthews, 32, has told pals that her real crime "is not knowing how to pull at the heartstrings of 10 Downing Street, the Vatican, the White House and multimillionaire celebs."
The bloated, overweight mother of seven has said she's being scapegoated because so many different men have fathered her kids.
"But I never left my wee little kids alone every night of the week just to go boozing in some foreign tapas bar," Matthews ranted.
"It's one law for us lumpen proles. And another for the doshed-up arguidos."