Written by NewYorkversusLondon
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Topics: Sex

Thursday, 10 April 2008

image for Man Arrested for Street Sex with Lamp
Mrs. Willows thought the man was an alien

A 32 year old Bristol man has been arrested after having sex with a lamp and it's shade in a residential area.

Police received calls from alarmed residents fearing the man had electrocuted himself in their quiet cul-de-sac of Penford Drive.

Mrs. Willows, a retired school teacher said she had not long gone to bed shortly after 5.30pm when "bright lights lit up my bedroom through closed curtains."

Mrs. Willows took a peek through the curtains and at first thought a UFO may have crash landed near by.

"I thought he was an alien grappling with the control desk of his mysterious flying machine" she said, "then I realized he was not green or grey and was not wearing a space suit. I figured he must be a human being and was somehow trapped to the flashing beacon."

Cops arriving on the scene found local man Dennis Walker lay on his back smoking a cigarette with his trousers around his ankles with a broken light bulb next to him and a distraught lampshade.

When asked about his actions at the local nick, Mr. Walker told cops he had been in love with the lampshade for many years and had to have her there and then because she had "really turned him on."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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