TV reporter Norma Snockers has announced that "Child prodigy Suri Cantgetanuff who went to Cambridge University at the age of 10 is now making a fortune earning £20,000 per week as a Prostitute."
Norma added "at University Suri obtained degrees for Maths, Science, Politics and History and learned to speak in fifteen languages but eventually decided to rebel against her Father who was a right bastard."
Apparently he made Suri learn a new language every six months and was a controlling, bullying shit.
After several years of unhappiness Suri ran away from home and joined MI5 where she has made a fortune screwing Foreign Diplomats.
She last made contact with her parents by e-mail claiming she had had enough physical and emotional abuse to last a lifetime.
Her mother pleaded with her to come home but she refused saying "I love this life. Some days I feel just like Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman and other days just like Billie Piper in the Secret Diary of a London Call Girl TV series."
Suri went on to say "People think being a Prostitute is sleazy and dirty but I don't see it like that. I have always had a high sex drive and now I can get as much dick as I can cope with."