Balimmoral Castle, Scotland - (Nuptial Mess): The Scottish post office has reported that thousands of parcels from all over the world have been seized ahead of Charles and Camilla's crystal wedding anniversary celebrations tomorrow.
"Mostly they're being confiscated because of the Bogota, Colombia postage stamps," a Royal Mail source said today, "or because the sniffer dogs have gone bananas after a recent drought in their official line of work."
The couple married in Windsor in 2005 after lengthy negotiations with the Non-Aligned Crack Barons Association brokered by the Archbishop of London.
The traditional third wedding anniversary gift has always been crystal in the UK although nothing is actually specific about the actual chemical composition.
In the United States many couples favor crystal meth over the harder South American import.
"Of course here in Old Blighty they're all died-in-the-wool crack-fiends," a Palace spokesman said today.