Written by Mark Lowton
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Topics: cancer, Tan

Tuesday, 8 April 2008

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Face - bovvered?

The majority of people who use sunbeds have an increased risk of developing lung cancer, it has been revealed.

A straw poll, taken outside Tanyaz Tanz in Wigan, Lancashire, showed a whopping 100% of all people who visited the salon put out a cigarette before stepping inside.

This news comes quick on the heels of a recent report showing exposure to UV rays from sunbeds can lead to the development of skin cancer. Something which everybody was already pretty much well aware of.

"Well, I can't afford to go on 'oliday too often," explained Sharon Rycroft, a salon regular, whilst smoking a cigarette. "I like to buy myself a magazine every day, head off to the salon for an hour, have a few fags and a chat, then head down the DSS for my money and go home to watch my Sky HD.

"I narr there's a risk wiv this, but I gotta look good for the blokes down the pub every night, innit?

"I can't afford to buy the fake stuff, so I gotta top it up every day."

Pressure groups are insisting more is done to stop this current moronic trend continuing. Current suggestions include mandatory sterilisation for the unemployed...and, well, that's it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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