Written by Bob Muppet
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Topics: London, Britain

Tuesday, 4 May 2004

image for MI5 Declassify Margaret Thatcher's Handbag Secrets
Margaret Carried Condom Machine In Handbg

London's humble citizens were treated to a rare insight into the private life of Britain's first non-male prime minister.

Top secret documents relating to the contents of Margaret Thatcher's handbag were released today, under the 25 year secrecy rule.

Contrary to popular belief, Mrs Thatcher drank whisky and not gin. Her favourite handbag was equipped with a portable bar, stocked with a litre bottle of 25year old single malt whisky, cut glass tumblers, ice bucket, and lemon slices.

Mrs T. was also an ardent fan of bad music.
Secret documents reveal that she never set foot outside of No 10 without her portable record player in her handbag, complete with her cherished set of Des O'Connor L.P. records.

Following the tragic motor race in which her son Mark got lost in a desert, the Iron Lady had a special side pocket fitted to her handbag so that she could take her son with her wherever she went to prevent him getting lost again.

Mrs Thatcher was renowned for her thrift in the make-up department and her handbag contained a half litre bottle of Cif cream and a pack of brillo pads. Wisdom has it that this is why she always scrubbed up well and outshone her peers.

Finally, the most shocking discovery in her handbag was a fully stocked condom machine. It is not known why Mrs Thatcher needed this item, but her insatiable appetite in the bedroom department had not gone unnoticed by her fellow ministers. (or her desire to stay one jump ahead of the competition )

As a House of Commons insider politely commented;

‘It's 25 years since Mrs Thatcher took over the reigns of power and thank goodness the secrets of her handbag are revealed at last.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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