The chancellor of the exchequer was rushed to hospital last night after he was found in his apartment, with his eyebrows covering his mouth and nose.
According to psychologists, Darling has been suffering from a condition called "eyebrowus not big enoughus" for several months. This is a rare condition, only being found in one in 1000 politicians. Some of the symptoms include not thinking your eyebrows are big enough, and also having an obsession with dying your eyebrows so that you like a homosexual penguin.
The first signs of darling's condition came when he started saying things like "I will be the rabbit in your burrow", and "I will be the stick in your lolly" to Ken Livingston and Gordon Brown. Doctors misdiagnosed darling as a homosexual, and could only issue him with porn magazines as a cure.
According to certain anonymous individuals, Darling was seen injecting steroids into his eyebrows, before assaulting an elderly woman with his brows. On the same night, Darling was found with his eyebrows attempting to suffocate him.
Police have urged the public to stay away from anyone who dyes their eyebrows, especially if they are into politics.