Prince Philip has been admitted to hospital after Royal medical experts said he had contracted a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD), Buckingham Palace has announced. It's thought it may be one of the "really nasty ones".
The Prince, recently cleared of the murder of Diana, Princess of Wales and her boyfriend Dodi al-Fayed, is known to have "gone out celebrating", and may have picked up a filthy tart whilst doing so.
Also known as the Duck of Edinburgh, the Prince, 86, was admitted to the King Edward VII Hospital in London where he will be evaluated and assessed before being allowed home. All his Royal engagements have been cancelled.
One doctor attending to the Prince said:
"I have already evaluated and assessed His Royal Nothingness. He is a plonker."
The Queen is said to be "irritated" though not surprised by the news. In a statement she said:
"He's a disgusting wretch. He needn't think he's climbing in bed with me when he gets home!"