Written by Haroon Ravat
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Topics: Food, Animals, Foreigners

Friday, 4 April 2008

image for Foreigner Eats Live Hamster
"Don't eat me," cried the hamster. But the foreigner didn't speak English, so didn't understand.

Shoppers were startled at an East London pet store when a foreign customer proceeded to bite the head off a live hamster.

Customers watched in amazement as failed asylum-seeker, immigrant refugee with no job Musthava Moosa devoured the still twitching rodent.

Samantha Jarvis protested "there is a McDonalds just around the corner where you can get some proper, English food". But Mr Moosa proceeded to sprinkle the remains of the poor animal with chilli sauce and wrap it in pitta bread. She added "he was carrying a rucksack so I knew that he must have been a fanatic or something".

The bizarre event occurred in Islington around 1.30pm on a Saturday when many young children must have been present at the store.

Fred Smith remarked "this is a British country with British values and we just cant have foreigners invading this country with their strange dietary habits. Whats wrong with chicken tikka masala or a deep-fried Mars Bar for Christs' sake?".

Maureen Braithwaite was more forthcoming in her condemnation of this savage attack on one of our nation's most popular household pets:

"How would they feel if I went to Saudi Arabia and started munching on live goldfish? I most certainly wouldn't be allowed to and they would probably put me on the first flight back home".

Petsworld UK said that they were unable for comment. London Police said that they were in the process of carrying out a thorough investigation of the incident.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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