Windsor Castle - (Ass Mess): British couturiers are thronging to countryside game suppliers to pillage supplies of this season's dernier-cri fashion accessory, the barely-dead roadkill hat trim.
The move follows yesterday's audacious attempts by Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, to up the ante in the millinery stakes by wearing a dashing dead duck-festooned brown hat complete with still-twitching bits of roadkill beaver trim.
The headgear was specially commissioned for yesterday's state visit by French shortarse Nicholas Teacosy who has been dubbed by compatriots at Le Figaro newspaper as a sitting duck president.
The sartorial theme is expected to be a great hit at Royal Ascot later this year and may be extended to include a number of bestial variants.
"We think hat makers will go the whole hog with must-have accessorising material such as dead camel pelt for Arabian Gulf patrons.
"And of course there is always the reptilian skin option such as snake or hump-back alligator trim should Hillary Clinton be invited to grace (sic) the Royal Enclosure with her presence."
Kate Middleton is in detox.