Written by Andrew Woodfine
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Wednesday, 26 March 2008

image for Pig ignorance to be allowed on UK aircraft in the EU
Just 2,000 feet to go before the ignorant are unleashed

Rude self obsessed annoying people are to be allowed to annoy the hell out of fellow passengers on aircraft in the EU under new rules announced today. In a move welcomed by arrogant gits with no regard for others the ignorant will no longer be confined to trains to inflict their mundane prattle on fellow passengers.

UK regulator Ofcom, who have approved the new deal, explained that there will still be some restrictions on the tedious, who will be required to keep their mouths shut about the details of their pathetically dull lives until aircraft reach 3,000 feet. After that height however new technology will allow them to share half a conversation at shouting volume with fellow passengers about how "Keith from accounts came down bitching about my expenses but I was just like, well, you K-B them if you like, but wait till Charles hears about this. Yeah...yeah...yeah..I know...yeah..did he?.. twat! Anyway got to go, I'm on the plane!"

USHIT, the union which represents selfish bastards on public transport welcomed the move saying in a statement "In the 21st century it's been a national disgrace that our members can only loudly inflict snippets of their gittish existence on fellow passengers of ground based transport. We welcome these developments and look forward to bringing anti-social selfish ignorance kicking and screaming into the 21st century."

Al Qaeda also welcomed the move, pointing out that while their members tactics were sometimes controversial, they were people with feelings too and the traditional negative reaction to hijackings had been getting to them. Ali al Jihadi said "It's given the guys a real boost that when we storm the cabin and execute a passenger we've got a real chance of been greeted with applause and cheers for silencing Chad Nadbags loud incessant prattle to his Geneva office."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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