Written by Paul Deacon
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Topics: Police, Rugby

Friday, 5 October 2001

image for Boy Stalked By Old Actor
Pete?

Police are to launch an investigation after a boy of 12 told them an elderly actor had been stalking him at a rugby match. The incident took place at Esher rugby ground in Surrey last month.

The boy, who cannot be named because we don't know it, alleges that an old man crept up behind him and started muttering about 'running like the wind'. He then started bellowing

"You can, you can, you can", leaving the boy badly shaken by the sheer force of overacting.

The stalker is described as looking a bit like Peter O'Toole fallen on hard times. Inspector Jack Kellam told TheSpoof "It's seems hard to believe the handsome actor of Lawrence Of Arabia has come to this. None of us in the nick can believe it. WE CAN'T".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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