20-stone (280lb/127kg) Canadian rap artist Snow tonight faces multiple assault charges after lashing out at daytime TV presenter Fern Britton with a chimneysweep's broom. The 86-year-old Informer performer hit out during a heated argument over the gobby blonde's view on the ascension of Obama - that no-one really gives a shit.
Snow, nephew of president Barack Obama, became upset at the thought that anyone in the world wouldn't be deeply engrossed by the daily twists in his Uncle's grand plan to fix the world, which includes changing the name of Snickers back to Marathon. Fern's reference to the daily barrage of "sewage" flowing across the Atlantic pushed him over the edge.
Snow was due to appear tonight in concert with Billy Joel and Kate Nash at the Electric Theatre in Guildford. Organisers say that tickets will be valid for a rescheduled gig on the 31st April, when Cheryl Tweedy will replace Kate as support.
A solicitor acting for Ms. Britton has released an unreserved apology for her "highly inflammatory" remarks. In the statement, she acknowledges that many people in the UK are interested in Mr Obama's politics, but also points out that equally large numbers show interest in pastimes such as watching test match cricket, throwing fish back into the canal or writing lengthy blogs on why the world will end in 1984.