Current rugby union England coach, Brian Ashton, is to be used as a new treatment for children who show aggressive and hyperactive behaviour.
A spokesperson for the Department of Health said: "We have watched the way that England have played this season. On a number of occasions the team had started showing energy, aggression and passion. Then, after a half time talk from Brian they came out as meek as lambs. This is clearly a unique gift, and we want to exploit it to calm down our obese, violent and uneducated thugs."
A spokesperson for the English RFU said: "We have been delighted in the way that Brian has calmed down the side when they looked like being dominant after a good first half. Using Brian's gifts to sort out the youth of today will be a very effective way of dealing with the problem and prevent the government having to look into more unpopular ways of dealing with the young alcoholic scamps."