London - (Sacrilegious Mess): Up to 10,000 churches have opened for the first time on Good Friday since the government relaxed laws about gambling with people's credulity last year.
The move was slammed by internet spread-betting bookies Aintgottaprayer.con who said it was wrong to allow cynical gambling on one of the biggest hoaxes of all time since Moses' alleged tablets business on Mount Sinus.
"We would encourage operators to keep their shopfronts shut on Good Friday," the gambling site commented today.
"However, in the true spirit of the 1998 Good Friday Agreement we hope that all those who insist on opening will donate a decent portion of their profits to scientific research into the origins of this hideous form of problem gambling," the Aintgottaprayer.con added.
Gaming industry sources welcomed the statement and issued their own advice this afternoon:
"For years this protectionist racket has encouraged avarice, greed and downright credulity on Good Friday.
"Our advice is simple: stick to approved industry products which at least offer decent odds and the chance to get your money back, such as foreign horse races, camel races, greyhounds, football ...and of course online strip-poker."
Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Conartist is 69.