Written by Dr Edward Maxwell
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Monday, 17 March 2008

image for Queen Elizabeth II issues restrictions on use of "queen" word
This is not a queen

By Royal Decree, casual use of the word "queen" will no longer be allowed, Buckingham Palace announced today.

Under the British Constitution, the Queen is allowed jurisdiction over words and terms used to describe the British monarchy. The move comes amid an increase in the use of the word "queen" by commoners. Phrases such as "queen size mattress" and "drama queen" will no longer be allowed.

"This is simply outrageous," said 'John', who is a London drag queen. "So now I'm merely a 'drag?' And my favorite rock band is Queen. What am I going to do now? Clearly anyone associated with the word 'queen' has got problems."

The Royal Decree is retroactive to the year 1775, so the ban is in effect in the United States as well, Buckingham Palace officials said.

Anyone using the word "queen" to describe a person, place or thing will have 30 days to remove the word or face a fine and possibly jail time.

It is also a criminal offence to impersonate a solicitor under s.21 of the Solicitors Act 1974 and to dispense legal advice however it is not an offence to impersonate a vet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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