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Monday, 17 March 2008

image for Basil Brush Apologises In BBC Race Row
Basil Behind Bars Last Year After Alleged Assault On Gopher

Popular TV presenter Basil Brush was today embroiled in a sordid racism row which threatens to damage the reputation of the BBC establishment.

A member of the travelling community has alleged that Basil was racist towards her during filming of his primetime TV show. Travellers, who everyone knows, are totally harmless and will politely knock on your door requesting to trim hedges or clear away unwanted items, are tired of being stereotyped as scrounging, thieving robdogs. They have recently adopted a policy of complaining every time this stereotype raises its ugly head in the media and demanding compensation.

The unnamed member of the travelling community alleges that Basil asked her to try and flog him some pegs and lucky heather as part of a sketch on his show. The lady objected, stating that pegs are no longer sold as everyone has a tumble dryer these days and offered to flog him a laptop, no questions asked instead. Basil, who is alleged to have an infeasibly small member, lost it completely, screaming "p*ss off, pikey" at the woman. The woman who claims she is used to being told to p*ss off, but strongly objects to the word pikey, immediately reported the incident to BBC watchdogs.

The BBC today visited the rubbish strewn and Alsation-infested common ground where the woman lives to offer a personal apology, accompanied by Basil Brush, believed to be 108 years old with a very small penis, himself.

Basil emerged from the woman's high spec caravan an hour later looking visibly shocked after having his fortune told. He told waiting reporters that he had been advised that his latest incarnation as a street-rapping-get-down with-the-kids-baseball-cap-toting comedy icon was a "pile of cr*p" and "just not working." He fears that his job could shortly be on the line.

When it was suggested that this could just be the travelling woman's revenge, he said that he hadn't spoken to her, he'd asked her five and seven year old kids.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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