Chief Superintendent Plod the Spokesperson for the Association of Chief Police Officers, has announced that all depressed Policemen serving in the UK, would immediately be transferred to South Wales Police, and be based at Bridgend.
The thinking behind this decision is that the teenagers of Bridgend who have the expertise to top themselves locally, would be able to pass on their know how to depressed Coppers.
Plod said "if it could be done at home or in their garden, it would save a great deal of time and money, looking for the buggers when they go missing."
"When you think of all the expense using Choppers looking for Coppers, halfway up a mountain in Wales, just because they are unable to stop getting there leg over, it is just too much."
Chief Superintendent Plod went on to say "that the Police Chief from Manchester Michael Todd, was not only a superb Copper hell bent on catching crooks, but it appears, hell bent on shagging everything in a skirt."
"Then we had Inspector Neil Munro from Dorsett who jumped ship from the Cherbourg Ferry, being washed up on Portsmouth Football Manager, Harry Rednapps front garden, causing all sorts of grief to Mrs Rednapp."
"This was just before, I was going to ring Harry, to see if he would get me a few tickets, for the semi-final of the FA Cup at Wembley."
"I suppose that's the end of the free tickets now moaned Plod."
Superintendent Plod ended the announcement by saying "I have got a terrible headache, I think I will call at the Chemist on the way home and buy some Paracetamol, does anyone here know how many packets you can buy in one go."