Police in Wales have made a gruesome discovery in the form of the body of a senior policeman who disappeared whilst 'out walking' on Sunday. He is thought to have taken his own life after Manchester United were 'dumped out' of the FA Cup by Portsmouth at the weekend.
Officers of Halfway Up Snowdon Police Force say they found the body of Greater Manchester Police Chief M*chael T*dd on Monday, frozen in a block of ice. He was dead, or, at least, not moving.
Mr T*dd appeared to have taken his own life by throwing himself off a precipice. He had written letters to his family, suggesting that he may not have been entirely happy with his lot (a Policeman's Lot is notoriously Not A Happy One).
Despite the case being as 'open and shut' as anyone could ever want, the police have called upon their counterparts in Portugal, who are experts in 'dithering' and indecision.
Fellow officers have been quick to dispel rumours that their former colleague was on his way to Bridgend with a quantity of rope.
* The policeman's name has been obscured to preserve his identity.