Scientists in Plymouth have concluded that British men have the largest penises in the world. Condom makers have been advised that they need to make mega condoms to help these poor afflicted men, but they have said a straight no.
A study carried out across the Great Britain found that the length of an average British penis is about as much as the height of the Big Ben - 316ft.
The research was carried out by two unidentified French scientists. The results were posted on TheSpoof.com by writer Kick-butt Moron.
It is said that the French scientists went door to door all across Britain conducting the research. And when the research was done, the findings amazed everyone. It also explained why the Brits, with their rather big and bulky penises, call any organ shorter than 300ft small.
Kick-butt Moron was also expected to be a part of the research team, but he backed out when he heard that he had to touch and measure fellow spoof writer Dr Edward Maxwell's penis. He later justified his actions by stating that Dr Edward lives with his grandmother and occasionally shits in her vagina, and then penetrates it. This leads to his 316ft big penis' tip being covered with turd, and the stench puts Kick-butt off.
Dr Edward, upon hearing this, gave a simple explanation that the shit acts as lubrication. He added that he will not put a stop to the practice, even if it annoys Kick-butt Moron or Gnarly Erik.
This started a brawl between the two writers, and things turned ugly when both writers accused each other of being racist and whatnot.
That's when the humble Mark Lowton intervened, and to his wife's horror, wiped the shit out of the vagina with his moustache. The clean vagina was much appreciated by Buck E Filbert, while the turd was met with much enthusiasm by all TheSpoof.com contributors except for Gnarly Erik.
Condom makers have clearly stated that they will not be making condoms that size. They reasoned it by saying that the rubber demand in China is so high that there is not enough rubber to make even one of those 316ft condoms. British Scientists have now suggested fixing dried cow dung right into the penile opening to stop the flow of semen.