Written by Bob Muppet
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Monday, 10 March 2008

image for Which Fat Bastard ate the Queen's Swans?
Mute Swan enjoying protection of migrant workers

Sparks were flying at Buckingham Palace yesterday when the Queen was informed that somebody had eaten all her swans.

Traditionally, all the swans in Britain are owned by the monarch and are protected by a royal charter.

Crack teams from Scotland Yard have been called in to investigate the mysterious disappearance of some 30,000 mute swans, but have failed to explain where they have gone.

A spokes-person close to her majesty has stated that alien abduction has not been ruled out.

The mute swan, which can weigh as much as 25 lbs and can live for some 35 years, has long been a delicacy of the British monarchy.

Henry VIII found that the beautiful white birds were a tasty addition to his magnificent banquets where they were served with a golden crown.

Detective Plod of New Scotland Yard has eliminated the ex-monarch as a suspect, due to the fact that he died in 1547 at the age of 55.

D.C. Plod expressed his disappointment in not being able to solve the case and explained that their investigation was hampered by legislation introduced by New Labour.

'We are not allowed to leave our desks' he added.

'Our presence on London's streets was causing distress to the criminal underclass and consequently it violated their human rights,' he explained.

There was a glimmer of hope that a radio controlled swan with a remote video camera might be deployed to solve the mystery of the vanishing swans.

A team of migrant workers from the Eastern Block countries has also kindly volunteered their services to provide protection for the swans.

Her majesty thanked the migrant workers from the new E.E.C. countries and reinforced her Government's admiration for the way that their hard work and selflessness has transformed Great Britain into a true paradise.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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