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Monday, 10 March 2008

image for London Marathon granted shit and piss license
This sign will mean nothing on Marathon day

The London Marathon is to be granted a special license that will prevent runners from being prosecuted for defacating and urinating while completing the 26 mile course.

The decision, taken by the City of London legal department, means that anyone taking part in the Marathon is free to shit and piss themselves - providing that it ends up either on the pavement, or in a nappy.

Historic scenes were witnessed 2 years ago during Paula Radcliffe's heroic Marathon outing, when 20 million viewers saw her pull her knickers to the side, shit in her hand, and fling it at the delighted spectators. Organisers fear that runners will copy this, and and have therefore brought in the 'pavement or nappy' rule for non-professional athletes taking part.

A spokesperson for the organisers stated: "One can fully understand why Ms Radcliffe did that, but we simply can't have everybody flinging shit around on the day. For that reason, all competitors, apart from professional athletes, must relieve themselves either on the pavement, or into a sports nappy."

Sports retailers are already reporting huge sales of special jogging nappies, which feature a quick release mechanism so they can be changed during a race, and a special 'no seepage' lining that keeps the shit from running down your legs while you jog on.

Safety Officers acting on behalf of The London Marathon are already taking precautions by stocking up on surgical masks, gloves and disinfectant. Volunteers face a huge task in cleaning up all the shit, piss and soiled nappies that will be strewn throughout the course.

Part of the reason for the decline in sponsorship for Athletics is blamed on consumer disgust at athlelete's shitting themselves, sometimes even during interviews.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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