Following shock news announced recently that Britain is to be totally gay by 2038, the government have issued an equally surprising statement. However, when given careful thought it's not surprising really - at long last the government are acting sensibly!
The current Secretary of State for Health, Hugh Janus told In Seine News;
"The UK government plan to close all Maternity wings and Gynaecology departments by December 31st 2037, because there will no longer be any need for them. We expect this decision will save the NHS a massive £300 million and also address the predicted Midwife Crisis."
The nationwide chain of Mothercare stores will also either be closed or relocated to India, followed a few years later by branches of The Early Learning Centre who will find that their business will drop off quite rapidly after 2043. However, it will stock up on pink-coloured toys to remain appealing to gays all over the country.
The Manufacturers of baby equipment will all go bust and may end up in museums - meaning McClaren will have to revert to making formula 1 cars instead of baby buggies.
This will have a knock-on effect for the need for new housing too, as the declining population of the UK will have no need of accommodation. A spokesman for The National House Building Council, Barrett Homes said:
"This is all the government's fault and really is ethnic cleansing of an entire nation through the back door and will become a breeding ground for all kinds of queer diseases."
Other European Countries are expected to follow suit.