Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 7 March 2008

image for RAF Uniform To Change After Scathing Attacks From Civilians
Peterborough: Chav central

The Royal Air Force (RAF) has announced radical new changes to its uniform as a direct result of the abuse thrown at its serving personnel by several oikish residents of Peterborough.

Off-duty RAF members cruising the town in uniform have been the victims of shouting, laughing and jeering, along with being spat and leered at, by freakish, long-haired and tattooed miscreants, and old-aged pensioners (OAPs).

One, Enid Cant, 89, said:

"They look stupid, don't they? Pompous bastards. Makes me wanna smash 'em in the bollox wiv me walkin' frame!"

Now, RAF chiefs have decided to change the uniform to something approaching what the local civilians wear, so as to help servicemen 'blend in' more easily, and to promote harmony in the community.

Gone is the traditional blue/grey uniform, to be replaced by a selection of 'streetwise' clothing which includes:

For men:

Blue Jeans, hooded tops, track- or shellsuits, Burberry caps, Reebok trainers

For women:

The same, but with pushchair

An optional Staffordshire Bull Terrier is also available in white, brown or black.

Henry Allingham, 111, founder member of the RAF, and the oldest living man in Britain, said:

"Wearing uniform never did me any 'arm, but fings is diff'rent these days."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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