A report in this week's Gay News newspaper says that, according to new figures, Great Britain is expected to be 'totally gay' by the year 2038.
The report says that, despite being an offence punishable by death not too long ago, Gayness has become accepted, normal, popular, fashionable and now almost obligatory during the last 30 years.
The rapid rise of the disease is thought to have stemmed from the Hippy Era during the 1960s, when vulnerable men started to grow their hair longer, smoke cannabis and bum each other. Women have their own sordid version of this, which, unfortunately, cannot be reproduced here, as the mere mention of it could prove far too sensitive for some readers.
Britain has almost 9million gay people compared with only 1.8million ten years ago. The increase in numbers has been blamed on TV shows like EastEnders which portray gay people as 'normal'.
There has also been a general acceptance of the Gay Stance through pop music with 'stars' such as George Michael, Boy George, Robbie Williams and Elton John, who is also Robbie's dad. Dead actor Rock Hudson also liked it up the 'cackpipe'.
Justin Limpwrist, spokesman for UK Gay Rights group Gays Right, said:
"Recruitment is going well, and numbers are increasing. Our members have swollen over the last few years, and are continuing in that vein. We expect to be the majority in the next twenty to thirty years, and to completely take over soon thereafter."
Travel agents have reported an enormous interest in one-way flights out of Britain since the news was announced.