Written by Amateur Scribe
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Topics: Prince Harry

Monday, 3 March 2008

image for Harry News Blackout "Just the Tip of the Iceberg"
Our Woman in Baghdad

The press leak detailing Prince Harry's exploits in Afghanistan could lead to further revelations about senior royals' covert operations, a worried Buckingham Palace insider revealed today.

Harry's tour of duty was well known to the media, but a "Gentleman's agreement" was put in place to protect him from enemy insurgents. Now the Palace fears similar royal news blackouts will be jeopardised by pesky foreign news agencies looking for a scoop.

"It's time to pull our people out," the source said. "Harry's assignment doesn't even scratch the surface. We've got Windsors posted to every war-torn region in the world and it just takes one sly reference to British royalty in a Paris Match article on Darfur, and - Bam! Princess Anne gets torn to shreds by a load of Somalian warlords."

It is a little known fact outside of Fleet Street, that Prince Edward is also in Afghanistan and actually flew some of the bombing missions ordered by Harry. "Edward is one of the finest Rear Gunners in the RAF," the source sighed. "But it's difficult to see how we can continue to guarantee his safety now every Taliban general in the country wants a piece of his arse."

Prince Charles's SAS mission to Kosovo has also been seriously compromised and it seems likely that Princess Eugenie will be choppered out of East Timor as soon as humanly possible.

This is not the first time top secret information on the Royal Family has been leaked by the press. Before the war, Elizabeth, the Queen Mother spent years luring foreign dictators into honey traps using a heady combination of womanly wiles and Gordons gin, before her cover was blown by a titillating exposé in Vogue Magazine describing how she flashed her bloomers at Mussolini during an Italian Communist rally.

Reluctantly she was withdrawn from the front line and spent the rest of her life desperately trying to recreate past glories by auditioning for Bond films in increasingly elaborate disguises. Indeed she was initially hired as Pussy Galore in Goldfinger under the stage name "Lizzie Schnitzel", but disaster struck in the first few days of the shoot when her wig slipped over her eyes during the notorious cowshed scene, and she accidentally impaled Sean Connery with a nearby pitch-fork.

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