Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Friday, 29 February 2008

image for Prince Harry withdrawn from Agincourt, reassigned to Battle of Hastings
Thegns spar to keep themselves fit for Battle of Hastings.

Harry, the 23-year-old royal claimant to the disputed Throne of England, is being withdrawn from the dust-up at Agincourt and redeployed to the frontlines at Hastings amid public concerns for his safety.

This move follows the collapse of the BBC media blackout yesterday after perfidious colonials at CNN leaked the news worldwide.

There had been fears that the prince, who is third-in-line to the contested Throne of England, might actually survive the French onslaught at Agincourt, a famously one-sided battle. This would slow the complex pan-European machinations designed to restore the House of Stuart in the person of Franz, Duke of Bavaria and rightful King of England, Scotland and Ireland.

Military experts spent the night poring over maps and dusty copies of Churchill's History of the English-Speaking Peoples before deciding to withdraw Prince Harry from the Agincourt frontlines and redeploy him elsewhere.

In a statement, Sir Richard Darnitt, head of the British Army, described yesterday's CNN report of Harry's deployment as "regrettable" but said that contingency plans for such a leak were already in place.

Darnitt added that while Harry would have returned "in a matter of weeks" with his Household Cavalry regiment battle group, the situation had now "clearly changed", requiring the young royal's assignment to a completely different dangerous front.

Darnitt refused to discuss or disclose Prince Harry's current whereabouts.

Nevertheless, insider sources speculate.

Tiffany Jones, conspiracy theorist and expert on British battles abroad and at home, suggests the Defence Ministry has a simple solution---Prince Hal will be tossed into the fray at Hastings, a far less one-sided tea party with the French.

"Sure, they're rerouting him as we speak," Ms. Jones confidently told CNN reporters, "the Battle of Hastings provides richer opportunities to die for God and England. They [Defence ministers] can be pretty sure there's an French arrow with Harold's name on it waiting on Senlac Hill."

When asked about Harold's chances at Hastings, his pub-crawling thegns were optimistic, dismissing early intelligence reports of Norman French superiority in numbers and dress sense.

"Harold will pull us through," declared one intoxicated thegn. "Those Frenchies can't fight, everyone knows that. We'll be fine…well, we'll be fine so long as they don't bring over their cavalry."

Franz Bonaventura Adalbert Maria Herzog von Bayern, Duke of Bavaria and future King of England, could not be reached for comment.


Tragic Rabbit, Voice of London

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