Written by Sir Ivor Biggun
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Wednesday, 27 February 2008

image for The English are snobbish, arrogant, pompous, two-faced, emotionally retarded, ignorant, thick, lazy, happy living on the state, foot-in-mouth, absolute plonker and his woman
The epitome of Englishness

From my many travels and several posts abroad, the general consensus throughout the World is that the English are just about the most unpopular race and the last people you would ever wish to meet.

The general opinion is that they are "snobbish, arrogant, pompous, two-faced, emotionally retarded, ignorant, thick, lazy, happy living on the state, foot-in-mouth, absolute plonker and his woman."

The French hate the English for non other reason than good old Blighty have always produced the superior race.

They prefer to forget that the English pulled them out of the mire twice, 1914 - 1918 and 1939 - 1945. Also England imports loads of dodgy French food and wine and the French do not import any English goods even if we made any.

The Germans likewise hate the English for stuffing them several times including the 1966 Football World Cup Final, plus the fact that the German's have never beaten the English at Cricket.

They prefer to forget that the English allowed them to become the dominate industrial Nation in Europe. Also England imports loads of German cars and they do not import any English made cars, that is if we made any.

The Spanish hate the English for the hordes of Yobs that invade their seaside resorts every summer, getting slightly tipsy and fighting almost everything that moves.

They prefer to forget actually how much money the English pour into the Spanish economy.

Down under, the Australians hate the English for beating them at sport, particularly cricket where the whinging Aussies will stoop to every possible way of cheating, in a vain attempt to win.

They prefer to forget that their forefathers where English Prisoners sent there to educate them, teach them good manners and how to be a good sport.

And what about the Americans who pretend to have Irish blood which therefore gives them the right to hate the English.

They forget that the English actually having a bit of history and they have none.

Then we have the Scottish who suffering from SMBA (Sad Miserable Bastard Syndrome) just about hates everybody.

They prefer to forget that England is run by Dour Scottish MP's and that the English send the Yanks there on holiday to spend loads of cash and not to just to get rid of them.

The Irish who are suffering from RTBTDS (Rob The Bleeding Tourist Dry Syndrome) cannot stand the English either as think the English People are always taking the Mickey.

They prefer to forget that the English gave them jobs on Motorways and Building Sites. Also that the English are one of the biggest contributors of wealth to the EEC, who then give the Irish enormous contributions of cash, making Ireland one of the most prosperous Nations in Europe. The ungrateful Irish then rip off every tourist, especially the English.

Then we have the Welsh who are suffering from TFBS (Tight Fisted Bastard Syndrome) who believe that the English are nicking their water.

They prefer to forget that the English allowed them to have their own Welsh Assembly and that loads of English people go there on holiday spending there hard earned cash. In fact some really wealthy English people have static holiday caravans on the Welsh coast.

So Thank God For The Dutch who apparently quite like the English and are more than happy to pull the English People out of the shit when they are in a Foreign Country and cannot speak the Language.

What would the English do without them?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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