The famous North-South divide in the U.K is about to get bigger as experts predict that the our little Island is being ripped in half by forces beyond our control.
Following last nights earthquake, householders across the U.K have awoken to a tear across the country running left to right and circling around the M25 and it's widening every hour. Currently the water-filled gap which has torn the Country in two looks like a little meandering brook and has attracted a few ducks. Experts have predicted that it will be a fast flowing waterfall fuelled river by tomorrow and a veritable ffiord (sic- Its Welsh as the ffiord will divide Wales) by Friday.
"Flat-packed bridges are being ordered from Germany to enable commerce to continue between the North and South of the Country,"said a frantic Gordon Brown today as he watched the North of England and Scotland float away from him rapidly.
The South is expected to stay in position, with the North of Endland moving towards Iceland for the foreseeable future. The South will remain known as the U.K while the North has been temporarily renamed the U.KQE2.
Whale watchers are ecstatic and moving to Hull, which is now on the coast.