Written by cheesehoven
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Wednesday, 20 February 2008

image for Animals should have their own parliament, says Archbishop of Canterbury
Dr Williams being helped up by supporters

Just as the furore over his comments about Sharia Law seem to be dying away, Dr Rowan Williams has once more sparked controversy by suggesting that animals should be given their own parliament with full tax-raising and law-making powers.

The speech, given at a local children's birthday party held for the 9 year old son of a parishoner, has been hailed by supporters of Dr Williams as "an important theological statement", "a miracle of clarity from the church's new Thomas Aquinas" and "perhaps the most powerful religious insight since the middle ages".

Others are not so sure.

"Its just a tedious jumble of nonsense like the rest of his stuff," said one young mother who was actually at the Archbishop's address. "I thought he was going to read a bedtime story but instead we got this goobledegook. I almost passed out due to boredom."

In the long, long speech, written the diffuse and recondite manner typical of his style, the Archbishop, extensively quotes from Animal Farm, Doctor Doolittle and The Jungle Book, in order to argue that man's dominion over the animal kingdom is not ordained by God and other systems of equality would be preferable. This would include voting rights, a different penal code for each species, the ability to introduce income tax, to raise armies and create their own laws.

He was vaguer as whether or not they should have the right to bear arms; with the sole exception of bears who naturally had bear arms and thus were free from the "cruel imposition of man's imperialism of species and subspecies subjugation".

Said the Archbishop: "It is perhaps the ultimate Orwellian paradox: videlicit, animals, -from the latin Anima meaning life- can have their life removed by that great mass calling themselves humanity, man, humanity, humanity, humanity..."

At which point he was removed by several 'supporters' in white coats.

One little boy at the party said "He looked like father Christmas. I didn't know who he was. But mummy said he was an important man. Most of my friends felt sleepy when he was talking. Some went outside to play."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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