Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 19 February 2008

image for Birmingham Man Eats Dead Dog
The man parades the lifeless dog before savagely half-eating it

(MIDLANDS) Police were today conducting a house-to-house search after a man was reported to have eaten a dead dog in a residential street in Birmingham. The man is thought to have been Irish.

Residents living close to where the half-eaten carcass was recovered, report seeing a drunken man in a cassock, weeping whilst knelt over the body of the dog. He wailed for several minutes before attempting to devour the animal. He was chased away by several children with ASBOs.

Forensic scientists removed the corpse to the West Midlands Police Laboratory and are currently investigating how it died. Little is known about the animal other than it is a bit like a cross between a whippet and a rabbit, and that it loved walking.

Police say that a collar was found nearby bearing the inscription "Ralph", though it is not known whether the item belonged to the dog or the Bible-bashing nutcase that tried to eat it.

There will be further updates through the night.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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