A new government initiative was launched with much fan-fare. In a world torn apart by rising unemployment, a faltering education system, and National Health Service, Ministers decided to launch a day for Stalkers.
Socially Sanctioned Stalker's Day will now fall on February 14th, a day previously reserved for St Valentine.
As is customary, the opposition have leapt to the fore-front of the argument.
Minister Bob Wotsit (an heir to the comedy crisp family) said: 'This is just ridiculous. It is granting a free-license for stalker's to send cards and to make affectionate overtures to people that they don't know. It was bad enough when we were meant to send Valentine Cards to people without signing them, in the hope that they might be secretly pleased, but now having these two days on the same day, it will just be ridiculous'.
A faded soap star, who is currently stalking a number of paparazzi said: 'Being a stalker is a thankless task. People think that you are slightly strange, and the relationships are always very one sided. Just once would it kill my stalkee's to do what I wanted to do? Well, would it?'