Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 12 February 2008

image for Mosquitos Come Under Fire From Children's Group
Just look at these miscreants!

A children's group has called for the eradication of the Mosquito, saying it is grossly unfair to the young, and is indiscriminate in targeting them.

The Mosquito, a winged insect whose females suck the blood of other animals for a hobby, has been condemned by the Children's Commissioner for England, Sir Al Aynsley-Green, who said the parasite "infringes upon the rights of young people".

Mosquitos are responsible for the deaths of millions of people every year, a high percentage of whom are children, and stubbornly resist all laboratory-produced vaccines. They have also developed the ability to break through mosquito nets to stalk their unsuspecting quarry therein.

Sir Aynsley-Green, who loves all kids, even those with ASBOs, told the BBC:

"The wretched beasts also emit a high-pitched whine that disturbs only young people aged 20 or under, and sends them scattering for cover. It's a disgrace."

Mosquito supporters, though, disagree with the demented Sir Al. One, shopping centre manager Alan Hitler, of the Bullring in Birmingham, spoke out against children when he said:

"They congregate in doorways, in dark recesses, and on the balconies and walkways upsetting customers and storeworkers alike. They're a bloody nuisance! Personally, I advocate the use of more mosquitos, despite their incessant buzzing."

Mosquito inventor, Howard Stapleton, has come under fire from Liberty director Shami Chakrabarti who, despite her appearance, is a woman. Said she:

"Imagine the tremendous outcry there would be if such an animal were used to cause discomfort to people based on race."

Mr Stapleton is currently working on a new development.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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