Written by politicalpop
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Topics: Weather, The Sun

Monday, 11 February 2008

image for UK Suffers Sunniest Day Ever
Britain yesterday where the sun quite literally shone and everyone agreed it was unprecedented!

Hospitals across the UK were inundated with cases of barbecue food poisoning and alcohol related illnesses after Britain suffered the worst day of unmitigated sunshine ever with 6.2 hours of, quite literally, sunshine being recorded in the London area alone.

The weather really did go haywire for a day with gardeners reporting signs of a "phantom spring" in the midst of a day without a cloud in the sky. The term "phantom" comes from the rare weather phenomena whereby one season, in this case spring, appears during another earlier season such as winter before it ought to, hence the expression phantom. "Ghost spring" was dismissed by experts as an unsuitable description and will never be mentioned again.

Several green shoots of spring flowers were seen pushing out of the soil and in the even-hotter and more unusual climes of the Channel Islands a primrose and dog violet were seen to bloom. Botany experts say it is likely that a lilac and an apple tree in Surrey also blossomed during a whole day of sunshine but nobody in Surrey was available to confirm this.

Tom Seedsman, head of the arboretum at Kew Gardens, southwest London, said: "A day where the sun quite literally shone without stopping was very confusing for plants. Some trees blossomed and some flowers came up because there was so much sun. It made it look like spring had come early, you could call it a 'phantom' spring, a reference to the long held theory that it's like an apparition, but definitely not a poltergeist. That term was discarded long ago."

The day where the sun shone and shone and shone was a boon for gardeners who actually witnessed roses, crocuses and rhododendrons bloom.

Marion McMaidenhead, a keen gardener from Hattersley, said: "I planted a clematis and watched it just take off against a wall. A pot of daffodils also came and went. The weather did go truly haywire but we mustn't grumble."

But on the plus side, the day of amazing relentless record breaking sunshine meant that Great Britain's leading athletes were able to kick start their Olympic preparations at long last. All reported being able to train three times during the sun being out which is a very good idea with only n years left before 2012.

Gardeners, athletes, alcoholics and al fresco eaters were soon able to return to normal activities when the day of unprecedented sunshine ended abruptly around about 17:24 pm when the sun actually went down.

But forecasters are predicting that it's quite likely there will be more misery ahead where the sun will rise and the clouds will quite literally part over the British Isles so that unprecedented sunshine will pour down, probably for days on end causing drought, plagues, pestilence and, inevitably, disease.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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