London - Preposterous Mess): The UK's top royal benefit scounger has managed to blag a £3 million swagbag to shore up a disastrous PR campaign that promoted desperate wannabe somebody Kate Middleton as the next House of Windsor bride.
Old Fatty Mountbatten told PM Gorgon Blair last month that unless she got the dosh to gag William's silly stick-insect faghag he could expect some nasty sudden press leaks about his shenanigans with a gay seventeen year old crack dealer called Murphy O'Hara.
The Prime Monster initially said he refused to be blackmailed.
However a Whitehall tip off that Buckingham Palace's YouTube Royal Channel was about to screen some interesting holiday video nasties of Brown cavorting with his young protege soon helped the PM see sense according to Drowning Street sources today.
Next week a PR campaign will roll out Middleton as the UK's goodwill ambassador to Iraq where she will entertain troops with a selection of her London clubland experiences while signing up squaddies to her Maharish Mahesh Yogi-inspired aerobic keep fit classes atfifty quid a pop.
"We're hoping to make the announcement on St Valentine's Day," Buck House said today.
Camilla is 69.