The English rugby team has found itself in hot water with the government's watchdog for mediocrity. The Council for Underperformance in National Teams has launched an investigation into how the England XV nearly won at Twickenham yesterday.
The unfortunately acronymed Council made the following statement: "We are pleased at how poorly the England Football and Cricket teams have been playing recently, and the results have enabled England to maintain its worldwide reputation for being perennial losers. We were apalled at the dominant position the England rugby team had achieved after forty minutes. Praise should go to Brian Ashton whose team talk at half time did the trick and allowed Wales to beat us."
A previous investigation into how on earth the England team reached the Rugby World Cup final this year concluded that new coach Brian Ashton had not had enough time to understand what underperformance really looked like. The situation was saved by senior players publicly slating the coach in the national press, removing any credibility he may have won within the team or nationally.
The Council for Underperforming National Teams is understood to be recommending that Steve MacLaren join the rugby coaching staff: "We miss Andy Robinson - he really knew how to fritter away talent" a spokesperson said.