Written by Everyman
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Saturday, 2 February 2008

image for Derek Conway gave millions of pounds to Church of Scientology
Conway was trying to save his constituents from alien invasion

The plight of disgraced Tory MP Derek Conway got a whole lot worse yesterday, when it transpired that he had given millions of pounds of parliamentary allowances to the London branch of the "religion" Scientology. In so doing he received the Church's "meritorious award for the fraudulent and gullible."

The MP was unrepentant however. In a statement to the house he said: "OK, giving wads of taxpayers' cash to my eccentric and camp sons to fritter away on parties was not such a good idea. And I accept that having them boast about their income on social network sites was a bit naff. But look, when the Martians come invading we need to be prepared. I was just acting in the interests of my constituents."

The Church of Scientology distanced itself from these comments: "We are sorry that Mr Conway has confused our religion with some wild science fiction paranoid fantasy about Martians invading. Hell - we are much weirder than that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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