Today Tony Blair announced a return to the political fold, surprisingly against labour foe Gordon Brown. In a bizarre twist and life changing experience, the former PM is to stand for the old Bexley and Sidcup left in Derek Conway's departure. Tony explains what changed his mind and his life to make a dramatic return to politics.
"Well, you see I was on a plane heading into Heathrow and all at once. I heard an almighty bang in the rear and a sudden shot up my backside, then I knew I had to return to politics."
Tony Blair is to stand for the Liberal Democrats for the open seat left by Derek Conway, when asked why he changed political divides, Tony went on to say.
"Well it taught me, that all my life I have been living a lie. I need this chance to be honest and open, so I thought the best chance of that was to stand for the Lib Dems."
Tony speaking from his villa in Spain, with toy boy lover Juan. Has instructed his lawyers for a quickie divorce with Cherie, Cherie is said to be supportive of Tony's change of heart, but depressed. A pre-by election party is being held with invites sent to Danny La Rue, Christopher Biggins, Michael Barrymore and Mark Oatham.