Written by Barry Subchimp
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Tuesday, 20 April 2004

image for Thatcher's funeral - nation celebrates!!!
Dead at last: Mrs Thatcher was British Prime Minister for far too long.

"Ding dong . . . . . the witch is gone!" This is the unifying chant which has brought an entire nation to a climactic celebration in Scotland which has become a Mecca for party-goers across Britain.

With the announcement last night that the ailing former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher had finally succumbed to a fatal bout of diarrhoea, impromptu parties have erupted across the northern region of the country.

Motorways have been brought to a standstill as Edinburgh becomes party-central for revellers who had previously been disappointed at the the cancellation of the city's New Year celebrations.
But authorities were confused as to the nature of a six-mile convoy of what appeared to be fuel tankers heading south across the border.

But The Spoof can exclusively reveal the that the convoy originated in Kelty, Fife.

"All of our drivers are former coal miners, who made a vow to piss on Thatcher's grave during the notorious strikes in 1984," said one driver.

"As a result, each of us has prepared for this glorious day, by saving up every pish since that fateful day long ago. And when we arrive at the funeral tomorrow in Grantham we can all finally unload our cargo onto the grave of that leathery faced old witch and relieve twenty years of bladder-busting vengeance."

But in a curious and unexplainable twist of fate, south of Watford, many have mourned the loss of the former dictator.

Jack Stilton, 65, a red-faced pensioner, and rotary club member based in Cambridge spoke to The Spoof on his 3000 acre lawn this morning.

"It's a gveat loss to the Bvitish public," he said through teeth resembling those of a horse as a tear composed of gin left his eye and rolled onto his blazer.

"She did a gveat deal for the Bvitish way of life, while collaborating with other known violators of human vights, such as General Pinochet of Chile."

Mr Stilton then went off on a tangent to slur his way angrily through an anti-European rant and finished with the Statement: "KEEP THE POUND!!!!!", before chasing our reporter away by brandishing the Daily Mail in a threatening manner.

Thatcher, nicknamed "The Iron Lady" had already survived several failed assassinations, including an attempt to melt her with a bucket of water in 1982, and another in 1987 when left wing activists dropped a big farm house on her, leaving only her big stripey legs sticking out from underneath.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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