London - (Reuters & Sad Ass Mess): Lord Justice Scott Baker has ordered the immediate bulldozing of royal gardens at Kensington Palace after hearing evidence that Diana's sons were murdered by Charles and replaced with impostors related to Tony Blair's family.
The royal coroner also signed an exhumation order that will see the former Princess of Wales dug up from her Althorp House island burial site. The move is necessary to compare her DNA with that of the current hier apparent claimants purporting to be sons of the Pretender to the Puppet Throne.
An MoD landmine clearance unit will first have to scour the waterside grave following reports that Viscount Althorp mined the area after learning of exhumation plans shortly after Diana's funeral in 1997.
Scott Baker also demanded that all psychic mediums who ever prophesied for the Princess and who testified at her inquest undergo formal psychiatric evaluations after the Met's Fraud Squad has trawled through their bank account statements going back to the heady days of the 1980s when Diana first went nuts about fortune-telling.
Today's news from the Royal Courts of Justice has sent shivers of apprehension down spineless royal benefit scroungers' backs at Clarence House.
Camilla in particular was reported to be having a seizure after royal protection squad cops caught her trying to hide jewellery donated by Sordid Arabia's Prince Bandar in a compost-making machine at Highgrove.
Kate Middleton is speechless with nausea.