Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Drugs, Poo, Blue Peter

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

image for Dog Shit Found in Blue Peter Garden
The Blue Peter garden today

Police and forensic scientists have this morning been called to the BBC Television Centre studios after a live dog turd was discovered in amongst some rhododendrons in the Blue Peter garden.

The turd, say Met officers, had been freshly laid, and is thought to have been the work of a "large animal".

The Blue Peter garden was famously vandalised in 1984 when current Leeds United manager Denis Wise and wooden football pundit Les Ferdinand were amongst a gang who climbed the wall of the garden to pull up daffodils and urinate in the fishpond. Both later denied any involvement.

Then, in 1998, presenter Richard Bacon was caught injecting heroin on-air as the nation's kids looked on in horror. Bacon later "laid a cable" in the same fishpond, ridding it of every kind of marine life, and preventing its use for another 20 years.

Recent 'cheating scandals' have also plagued the programme, and prompted former presenters of the show to speak out about the current falling standards in Children's TV, and of Blue Peter in particular. One, John Noakes, the long-time companion of Shep the Border Collie, commented recently that:

"Nobody makes models with cardboard, or parachutes out of aeroplanes anymore. It's shite."

BBC executives have promised they will "leave no stone unturned" in the garden to discover the identity of the culprit, and say the crop of Hashish growing there remains unaffected by the incident.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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